Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
