the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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