she woke up with a sticky ear
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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