he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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