I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
