You smell like stripper and shame
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
