Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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