He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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