someone threw a dead crab at me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
