goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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