you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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