Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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