I've blown a few things in my day
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
