even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
