It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
