Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
