If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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