I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize