you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize