This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
