Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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