Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize