oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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