Need sex. Gaining weight.
we made out on top of his cat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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