i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
