Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
