Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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