They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
