I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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