Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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