I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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