I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
only if we run a train.
done.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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