Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can I color on your dick again?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I deserve this hangover.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
