He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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