Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
