I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
