Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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