If i come over, it means nothing
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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