i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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