I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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