Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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