I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
