you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well you can't waste a boner
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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