I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
