I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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