My liver just broke up with me...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
