A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
