Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
