He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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