And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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