They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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