So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
