when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
