You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
