just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
