I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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