She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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