We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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