The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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