Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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