hell yes lets make some ravioli
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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