Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
