dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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